o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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