I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
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