the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
