Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
