Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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