im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
