You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
