Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
