I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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