Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
