It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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