I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I bet he comes in French.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize