At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
