There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
