if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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