Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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