you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
