wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
