what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
