i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
