We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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