1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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