Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
