fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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