Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
