I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
