i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
