I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
