You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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