if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
