If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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