Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
