She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
