yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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