Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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