don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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