so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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