just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
