My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
