She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
