Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
