We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize