I wanna passion pit in your ass
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
