dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
