loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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