Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
