How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
