so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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