i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
