i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
