she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
