Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
