just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
