Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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