wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
