Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
