Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
