I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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