My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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