dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
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I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
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He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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