Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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