apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
