wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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