Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
