If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
