You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
