remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
