i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
is that a dick in a sweater?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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