Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
