yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
