new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
