so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
